effortlessly perfect

{December 23, 2012}   Truth is…

{December 21, 2012}  

I’m not sure this is ever going to end. It’s just a cycle. A never ending cycle of madness. Why am I not strong enough to stop this? Why can’t I do something to stop it? It hurts. Every day. I hate feeling crazy. How did this happen? What the hell happened to me? I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.

{November 18, 2012}   Tired

Sometimes I just want to be done. Done thinking, doing, wishing, fearing, feeling. Sometimes I just want it all to stop.

{November 17, 2012}   Responsibility & such

Why am I always the responsible one? The one who thinks of others, pays all of her bills on time, never forgets a birthday, and analyzes every decision to make sure it logical, responsible and mature. I don’t start laundry when someone is in the shower. I balance my checkbook a couple times a week. I start my Christmas shopping in October to make sure I fine the perfect presents for my loved ones. I get the oil changed in my car at the exact moment it tells me too. And I never go into an express lane with more items than I’m supposed to have.

Obviously I’m a rule follower and do my best to be a people pleaser too. To be honest though, the whole thing makes me sad. You see, I never really had much of a childhood. I was forced to be grown up, responsible and unemotional at a very young age. I was taught that emotions or needs were selfish, so I worked hard at not having any. I got pretty good at it and really didn’t know any different at the time.

But, lets just say that now I’m realizing just how fucked up I am because of it. Gotta go…. More on this later.

{November 13, 2012}   Why?

Why do I let everyone take advantage of me? Why do I spend all my time with people who take advantage of me anyway? Why don’t I respect myself more than this? Speak up and stand up for myself? I don’t get it. But it’s starting to piss me off.

{November 9, 2012}  

{November 9, 2012}  


I know you can do it.. so do it..

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{November 9, 2012}  

{November 6, 2012}   THE BELLY

et cetera