effortlessly perfect











{September 6, 2012}   the truth

The truth is…

  • my smile hides a constant frown
  • my confidence masks self-doubt and an intense fear of failure
  • thoughts of weight and appearance are never-ending
  • i try to create the illusion of perfection, to distract myself (and everyone else) from the chaos that is my reality
  • most people would think of me as innocent, polite, and well behaved, but i have secrets that are eating me alive inside
  • i have a headache every day that never goes away. i have taken so many painkillers for it that i’ve eroded the lining of my stomach
  • i believe that life would be so much better if i were skinny
  • i have many friends, but don’t feel as though i can be honest or truly myself with any of them
  • i fake strength, but truly believe i am weak
  • i am becoming quieter and quieter, often times preferring to be alone
  • sometimes i wonder how much pain i can actually take before i give up
  • i hate crying and try to never let anyone see me cry
  • i pretend to have my shit together, when i really feel as though everything is falling apart inside
  • i question everything i say and do, but try not to show that to anyone
  • i live my life by the “shoulds”
  • i don’t believe i’ll become much of anything in life, failing to reach my potential, whatever that means
  • i worry about everything. constantly
  • i wonder if i will ever let anyone truly see the real me. i’m not sure they could handle it. or i could handle thinking about what they think of me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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